“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Four

Wakeup with the most wonderful feeling and smile… It’s amazing what “Love” can do for our Soul and Mind, feels like a balm that renews all.

The power of "Love" is not consider enough, very often I see that everywhere, in different situations, on people words and thougts.

"The Love" inside yourself makes you dream, wish more, go further.

Live is a marvelous bless when we are able to put real passion on everything we do and believe.

Life is “easier” and makes sense when we found the balance between the feelings and our mind, that’s the only way to truly feel complete and realized.

Start... Loving Yourself!!!

Feeling pleased, complete, full of good vibes and positive energy.

"Love In Quarantine"... Day Twenty Three

... HAPPY!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Two

One Year… 365 Days, that feels like it was yesterday, I smile, is a contradiction, now 22 days feels like an eternity.

Especially today I would like to hear his voice, see his smile and feel his warmth… today this “vow” feels harder.

Can close my eyes and sense the embrace, the perfume, the deep, intense (sweet) kisses, even experience how it feels to be totally his… I know that sounds lunacy, is not… The name is “sensitivity memory”.

Is “easy” to be around him, hear about his day, the projects, what he believe and defend, sharing a glass of red wine,… the “protection” feeling, being surround his hug, get pleasure with is humor, listen to his smile on a casual phone call, blush with naughty text messages… plan a weekend or a Paris escape!

In sum, I Love every minute by his side, how I feel about and near him.

The “Tomorrow” is a big “white” page, but now just feeling blessed for the chance of sharing all this moments… and Yes, today is a “Sunny Day”!

… ILY!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty One

Sometimes catch myself wondering how it will be, the “D” day? What will feel when this 40 days end? What in reality they will bring?

Of course that I do not have a clue about it, I just stand for half of the “question”, but is just for that “half” I do need to “work” with.

It’s important to understand and recognize that I’m responsible only for myself, my actions, feelings…, my Life.

Most important of all that, is having the experience of feeling complete, knowing that no matter what, I know more about myself, accept and respect all about it, that I’m proud of everything that I can say this is “Me”! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty

Half Way… what I fell at this point? 
In the middle of “Just missing 20 days” or Still missing 20 days??!

It feels like the “40 Shadows of the Quarantine”!!!

Some are pure light like a sunrise or a sunset, other are darker as a lonely night!

Whatever the next 20 days will bring, I do know that my feelings are more clear and real, having the opportunity to deeply dive on them, embracing all the sensations, emotions, attachments they can offer to this journey.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Nineteen

Today we “cheat”, it was fun… His fault, I must say!!! He provokes, and I do have serious problems to refute or turn my back to it!!

Still dealing with tones of stuff, small details are the worse, but enjoying it, will be official on the first July!

Feeling good, actually very relax for the first time in days, “red wine” and “blue & white” does miracles on us!!!

Going to fall asleep with good vibes and memories!!! One less day…

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eighteen

“Unfilled”… feels like I have a big hole on my chest that sucked all my energy.

“Love Hangover”… the abstinence from the “Us”, all the efforts needed to deal with the emotions and my deep thoughts are making me feel like this… doing my best to understand the strange “humor flows” that I’m dealing with.  

Smile and them sad and lonely, positive and then stay emotional… feeling tired!!!

It hard, just wants to scream and run far away from me, my thoughts, from this “emotional mood” that toke over my “Sunshine”!

Want to call and say: Hey you there… I Love You, I care, I feel… I “need” Us!!!

Can’t do that, so I write, it’s the only way I found to speak to myself, to organize ideas and try to understand my feelings.

Not going anywhere, just a “moment feeling”, here is where I want to be, is the “home” I choose no matter what.

Please do not misunderstand me… I do not regret anything, truly happy for being able to feel and sharing my feelings and thoughts, myself… just learning about it.

My heart shot every time we cross, who said: “Away from the eyes, away from the heart”???

Lie, it’s a myth… I never had You so close, so present in Me!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Seventeen

Work, Beach, Yoga, Pádel… Full Day!!! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Sixteen

In my mind I’m experiencing a deep divergence between what I do know and what I feel.

Want to be cool, let it flow and give it to the “Universe”, but my feelings are real, are not “assumptions”, it’s not something that I simple throw in a “box” and keep away.

They are very alive, making me questioning “everything”… even who I really am!

Feeling insecure… still doesn’t know why, and that’s my conflict!

Do I fear to feel, to deep connect with someone and them be disappointed or do I really fear not to be connect at all?!!

Don’t make any sense in a “logical” perspective, knowing that can’t control my feelings, I do Know that life is always in movement, that every day is new one full of surprises, but also know that I’m strong, I can count on me, so WTF I’m afraid of???

A “control freak” that’s my problem… still facing some of my old “demons”, never had the strength or the courage of showing myself completely to someone, lived my all life giving/ sharing just “pieces” of me.

This time is different, it was not a conscience choice, it just happen!

It feels good, unexpected, real, overwhelming, disconcerting… for the first time it feels “Me”!

Realize that I do not know the “full” of me, and maybe that’s the reason of my “uncertainties”!

Do know that deeply Love this “Girl”, she is Real, Happy, Smiley… Complete!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Fifteen

Being so busy, the days pass by easy and smoothly, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not “working” on my feelings.

At this point the most “difficult” is the will of sharing with him my day, what I achieve, my thoughts… say to him that is opinion is important, it really matters to me.

Hope that he is happy and giving the “steps” he need to reach is “Goal”.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Fourteen

The feedback was great!!! It’s an amazing feeling when people truly enjoy and appreciate your dedication.

Took the rest of the day to relax on my favorite place… the Beach!

Amazing day, the water was warm, the wind hot… went with a girlfriend… “Girls Day at the Beach”!

We enjoy the sunset accompanied by a nice cocktail… the perfect end of a good Weekend!

Feeling Happy, Blessed and Overconfident!!!

...ILY

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Thirteen

Today was the “Day”!!! Very Happy and Proud… The final result is amazing!

Came back home at 9pm, had a long shower, a salad and a glass of red wine, cheers to Me, to the first step of a new journey.

Mission Accomplished!!! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twelve

Tired but Happy!

P.S. - “Still” missing You every minutes of my Days!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eleven

WTF… What a Day!!! I feel so tired, that my arms seems to weigh 50kg each, last minutes to the “opening” and looks like hell… so many things still to prepare!!!

Today I saw You… look so different, new hair cut, “cute” I thought to myself!

My first instinct was to run to your arms, hug and kiss you… and stays “forever” in your lips, but put myself together and behave.

Was totally out of my mind when I agree with this stupid idea, don’t You think???

I’m “fine” but everything seem (feel) “harder” this days, feel very tired, my mind is full of ideas, thoughts, doubts, certainties… a mix of feelings.

But sure about one thing,… ILY!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Ten

Sunny Day full of Big Smiles!

Stunning as simple, “small” things/ gestures can make your day, today were 20 "small" words and a enormous sunshine, a rainbow walk into my Soul.

A “Woman in a Girl Soul”… It’s amusing to realize it, that “girl” is full of life, energy and dreams, at this point just allowing myself to get to know her, giving her space to “coexist” in Me.

She has so much to share, to learn, to edify… I must come clean and say that sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

Going to sleep feeling “entire”!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Nine

Feeling lost in the middle of all the thoughts that assault my mind along the day.

Don’t have the assumption of control of my feelings or thoughts, do know that I need to accept in peace my state of mind and soul.

When I’m sad, feeling empty, lost or alone… I do tend to ignore it, and replace those feelings for happy ones, but that ones are also mines and instead of overlook them I need to deep submerge on them, let the chaos take, oblige to see and experience what they have to say and lecture me.

Still feeling his smell, his touch & smile on Me… is hard, but it's a course that I need to cross.

Tomorrow will be another Day, I will give my best to be a "Sunny" One!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eight

… drive insane, totally!!! Don’t communicate is hard, but not knowing if he is breathing is heartbroken.

Today I almost broke our vow, just to know if he was Ok, just that… I breathe in and out one million times and in the end of the day found the strength to go on!

Inevitably when you fall in Love a part of you is in connection with the other, that’s great, but it’s also a process to let it go, don’t worry too much, don’t fell or think for two.

We just want to hug and say that everything will be ok, but sometimes we really need to let the other make the path by himself.

Care, loving is also giving space to find our own truths, on our own time and space.

I do care and love deeply… respecting and also Loving all the Freedom connecting Us!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Seven

Wake up very early, made a small case and went to train station going “home” for one day, see the family.

My two small nephews were waiting for me, full of energy and life. It’s impossible feel sad or have any kind of less happy thoughts being around with such amazing kids, always smiling and calling my name.

I feel bless in so many ways, for having me, my fantastic crazy family, great friends… but specially for all the choices I did on my life.

Today I’m ALL Them!

I can look back and clear see that I’m the sum of everything I lived, felt, achieve… I’m also all the tears I drop & share of happiness, fear, disappointment… and so on.

I choose to be the Smile and the Joy of a new Day, and with that the opportunity to fell more, know more, being one step closer to reach all my Dreams.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Six

“Friends are the family we choose”… So, so True! I feel so bless, hard day, but in great company was always!

Start the day working on the company of a ” heart sister” that God or the Universe put in my life, is hard to complain when you look around and understand that “life” is so good to You!

Lisbon is “on fire” with our “Sainte António” celebrations, went with by “Tribe” for the city celebrations on “Graça”… Music, food, drinks… a lot of jokes, music, fun, and the best of all, fell that I’m at “Home” with the family I choose!

Very Happy… one more day fill of great experiences and big Smiles!!!

P.S. - I know the reason, but I must be honest... I miss Him every minutes of my day!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Five

It’s amazing the ability we have to adjust, adapt to almost everything, I’m not saying that is easy, is not, but step by step, day by day the ideas start to be more clear… the true is that on our daily basis we do not hear our thoughts, our deep feelings, the “noise” around us generate a “fog” in our mind that keep us “busy”.

Yesterday I went to an astrology consultation, totally forgot to mention it, my mind was still spinning with all the information.

It was different from the ones I went before, she is also psychologist, and her approach is not as spiritual as I was used to, was grounded, focused in action, positive thoughts, my goals.

Tired but happy… new project will launch in one week, I couldn’t believe if someone told me a year ago that I could be one entire year without working, a workaholic with no hope… it was a great year!

I look back and really seams it was in another life… I reborn!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Four

Great day… Work, the project is almost done, ready to start, I’m drill and very enthusiastic.

Did my first class of Pádel, the instructor is great, very professional, focused and strict, perfect for my needs.

In everything on my life, to keep me interested, to follow directives, I truly need to recognize talent, knowledge, method, that’s the only way it will drive me, make me stay focused and develop respect & admiration for someone.

Being very mental, I’m always thinking, questioning, comparing, so a Yes, because is Yes, do not convince me or impel me follow an idea, a project, a process, or someone… it must bring me content, challenges, make me believe!

Next step… organize priorities!!!

One more great day, that finished with a Big Smile!!! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Three

Long day, full of emotions, strange ones… some goods, other odd.

Wake up feeling like a “trunk” pass on me, maybe too much workout physical and mental.

All the processes are (feel) like a lopping… ups & downs, keeping my mind objective, looking for the balance between the rational and the emotional.

In the end of the day I can say it was a very positive one, face some “demons” but the glow from my angels (positive thoughts) took the best of my day.

Days like today that finished with a Big Smile are what I call a Good Day… “My Days”!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Two

The Me...

The main reason of this diary, is to be able to see in perspective this experience, deep understand my feelings, were and who I want to go and be, what are my dreams, aspirations and goals.

Live is “the” Pandora Box, is a choice to open the “box”, our simple keep quiet an see life pass by.

I’m the kind of person that open the box, want to see, feel, experience everything that “She” have to offer.

I do not fear live, but I do have my own rules to do it… On my own time, sometimes is Fast & Furious others is Sweet & Soft!!!

I want more, I wish everything… I feel deeply… I’m Intense, always looking to go further every day!

I’m thirst of life, of all the knowledge that can offer, so every day is a bless, a drop to fill this ocean on me… and that’s Me!

Addicted to adrenaline, smiles, real people… real experiences that push me challenge my own limits and attachments.

I accept as true the positive thoughts, the good energies, I do not believe in the impossible, taking also care to get to know very well my weaknesses, work with then, making them my biggest strengths.

My goals are simple… Smile, be (more) Happy, make Others Smile, Love & be Loved… all the rest will came with Time!!!

Diary of my "Love In Quarantine"... Day One

Once upon a day a Girl meet a Boy and…

Our History started in a glance, on that day I “Lost” our “Found” myself in his Sweet Lips and my Soul on his Intense Eyes.

It happened when I was (again) questioning my future, my career, where to go… and for a long time I had lost hope in Love, meet someone Special, Different and truly Authentic.

Even if my essence was craving for Passion and Love, I was not conscience of that.

I told myself over and over again that I wish to be by myself, on my one course.

He is kind, Soft, Intense, full of life… all that made me Dream & Smile!

Our paths cross when both were facing deep life changes… He was starting over, looking for himself, his identity, hunger for freedom... he still is!

We made a vow… Live our own “Carpe Diem”, no rules, no expectations, no titles, no charges… "Only be Us"!!!

The days, weeks, months pass by and the complicity, the respect, admiration, care, intimacy, passion grow… but we are also human, with a pass, histories, attachments and with all that came also the fear of drop ourselves in the "errors" of the common relationships, lose the magic that made what we live so Special and Unique, so when we notice, questions started to haunt our minds.

Learning that communication is essential in any kind of relationship, with some less positive chooses from the pass, making baby steps, putting away our filters, we try to understand our feelings, our own goals… what we really are, feel and want from life.

We realize to be truthful and completely honest with ourselves we needed go deep, walk away from our comfort zone, and think “out of the box”… it’s true if we really want different results, we need to act different.

Love In Quarantine

We talk about it, share intentions, fears, positive that will bring “light” to our days and thoughts.

Went to bed confidante that is the best for both, but just fall asleep when the day rise, knowing that every minute it will be difficult, that I will miss all about him, but especially what he makes me fell… the person I’m when I am by his side.

Day One…

Not feeling… robot mode, just fill my day with work, manage to be with good friends, went to the cinema… “Wonder Girl” great film, need to say, above my poor expectation.

We share all the friends I have here, share hobbies, interests, it will be quite a challenge.

Catch myself thinking: How he is? Does he think about me? Looking to the phone, knowing that it will not ring, and we just start the first 24 hours of a long journey.

Like to think that we are doing it side by side, perceptive that deep in my heart it will be ok, will make me stronger, smarter, but also bring to the light like a “Heads Up” that we don’t control anything, in particular our own feelings.

“Nothings Ends, everything Transforms”; If it meant to be, It will be”; If it don’t kill, it will make you Stronger”… and so one!!!