I’m not an expert on the
matter, but I’m looking for answers, for some time now with my one life
experiences and from observation of “everything” around me, and we can find everywhere,
on everyone, thousands of descriptions about this “profound theme”.
To me “Love” is more than a “feeling”,
is also a state of mind, soul and the way you “Love” defines also who you are as
a women/men and as a human being.
Love someone first of all
means (to me) that you deep respect, admire and accept all about her, with all characteristics,
values, principles, faiths, pass, dreams and aspirations.
It means you see that person
as “she” really is and not as you would like “she” be, you don’t try to change,
you just support, care all the time.
Love is also learn, share, be
available to receive and also “walk away” if need to.
“True Love” means happiness,
fullness, freedom, friendship, companionship, need to be based on “team work” and
requires communication, dedication and commitment.
Be with someone means that you
are ready to share and receive, that your expectations should be real, based on
what that person is prepare to share with you, not in your own “lyric
expectations”, a healthy relationship is the one that “add” positivity to your
Many relationships fail
because people look for “someone” that could fill or fix their “emptiness”, putting
life on others hands, having insane expectations on the others, as he/ she is
some kind of “God” or “Mage”.
We have everything needed to “be happy” in ourselves,
find that True is the first and most important step to be able to love yourself
and then others.
We know that we are really “In
Love” when everything in your life is even more shine, makes more sense, when
she/ he is around,... when you want to be more, be better, willing to share the
best of yourself just for the joy of see your "partner in life" smile and happier.
The expectations, fears, doubts,
hopes, attachments, memories… all that feelings that were in same kind of “war”
on me, gave place to an amazing sensation of peace, happiness and profound knowledge
As I already write before, I
do not have any idea of what this experience will bring to us as a duo, but I
do know what it meant to me, how it feels to face our own “demons” and “angels”!
“Be Happy”… is a choice made
every day with our actions, with the acceptance of we are and feel, with
honesty and hope on ourselves.
I do like to “analyze” the human
nature, our behavior, what make us “move”, dream and struggle or just give up.
I try every day “treat others
the way I would like they treat me”, but we are inimitable, what makes someone “do
something” is always a big enigma, it have so many variations that would be completely
impossibly to anticipate their behavior, their thoughts, their actions.
I just try to understand, accept
and respect what they are… as I “hope” they will respect and accept me just for
Sometimes feels like a “chess
game”, other is a “tango” and sometimes we are just learning about us
As my one option, on my own risk,
I choose to believe in the human kind, in our capacity of love, share, be
sympathetic and honest… I do know that unfortunately in our life we cross with people that will disappoint us, that will be cruel, even perverse… but is their
“call”, their attitude, not mine, so just take care not to be “poison” by others
Maybe is a “romantic”, lyric,
even utopian way to live, but so far I’m doing it great and to be honest is the
only way I know how to do it.
People can “change” if they want
to, other simple don’t… but some just need that someone believes on them and
give them a “hand”.
Second chances can be very
rewarding, also because all of us make mistakes, toke at some point wrong choices
and on those moments we would like to have someone that look at us and believe
we can do better.
Amazing how making others
smile, can fill our own heart with joy and happiness!!!
I do like to see people happy,
surprise and make them feel "Unique".
There are “Special Ones” that
pass all their life thinking about others, taking care, and normally are the
ones that use to show themselves as strong, independent, like if they don’t
need anything… but they Do!
“Real People” that really care
about their partners in life, just because is their nature… those ones I try to
keep very close, I try to do my best, because normally are the ones I call “Family”!!!
One Year… 365 Days, that feels
like it was yesterday, I smile, is a contradiction, now 22 days feels like an
Especially today I would like
to hear his voice, see his smile and feel his warmth… today this “vow” feels
Can close my eyes and sense
the embrace, the perfume, the deep, intense (sweet) kisses, even experience how
it feels to be totally his… I know that sounds lunacy, is not… The name is
Is “easy” to be around him,
hear about his day, the projects, what he believe and defend, sharing a glass
of red wine,… the “protection” feeling, being surround his hug, get pleasure
with is humor, listen to his smile on a casual phone call, blush with naughty
text messages… plan a weekend or a Paris escape!
In sum, I Love every minute by
his side, how I feel about and near him.
The “Tomorrow” is a big
“white” page, but now just feeling blessed for the chance of sharing all this
moments… and Yes, today is a “Sunny Day”!
Sometimes catch myself wondering
how it will be, the “D” day? What will feel when this 40 days end? What in
reality they will bring?
Of course that I do not have a
clue about it, I just stand for half of the “question”, but is just for that “half”
I do need to “work” with.
It’s important to understand
and recognize that I’m responsible only for myself, my actions, feelings…, my Life.
Most important of all that, is
having the experience of feeling complete, knowing that no matter what, I know
more about myself, accept and respect all about it, that I’m proud of
everything that I can say this is “Me”!
Half Way… what I fell at this
point? In the middle of “Just missing 20 days” or Still missing 20 days??!
It feels like the “40 Shadows
of the Quarantine”!!!
Some are pure light like a sunrise
or a sunset, other are darker as a lonely night!
Whatever the next 20 days will
bring, I do know that my feelings are more clear and real, having the
opportunity to deeply dive on them, embracing all the sensations, emotions,
attachments they can offer to this journey.
“Unfilled”… feels like I have a
big hole on my chest that sucked all my energy.
“Love Hangover”… the
abstinence from the “Us”, all the efforts needed to deal with the emotions and my
deep thoughts are making me feel like this… doing my best to understand the
strange “humor flows” that I’m dealing with.
Smile and them sad and lonely,
positive and then stay emotional… feeling tired!!!
It hard, just wants to scream and
run far away from me, my thoughts, from this “emotional mood” that toke over my
Want to call and say: Hey you
there… I Love You, I care, I feel… I “need” Us!!!
Can’t do that, so I write, it’s
the only way I found to speak to myself, to organize ideas and try to
understand my feelings.
Not going anywhere, just a “moment
feeling”, here is where I want to be, is the “home” I choose no matter what.
Please do not misunderstand
me… I do not regret anything, truly happy for being able to feel and sharing my
feelings and thoughts, myself… just learning about it.
My heart shot every time we
cross, who said: “Away from the eyes, away from the heart”???
Lie, it’s a myth… I never had
You so close, so present in Me!!!
In my mind I’m experiencing a
deep divergence between what I do know and what I feel.
Want to be cool, let it flow
and give it to the “Universe”, but my feelings are real, are not “assumptions”,
it’s not something that I simple throw in a “box” and keep away.
They are very alive, making me
questioning “everything”… even who I really am!
Feeling insecure… still doesn’t
know why, and that’s my conflict!
Do I fear to feel, to deep connect
with someone and them be disappointed or do I really fear not to be connect at
Don’t make any sense in a “logical”
perspective, knowing that can’t control my feelings, I do Know that life is
always in movement, that every day is new one full of surprises, but also know
that I’m strong, I can count on me, so WTF I’m afraid of???
A “control freak” that’s my
problem… still facing some of my old “demons”, never had the strength or the
courage of showing myself completely to someone, lived my all life giving/
sharing just “pieces” of me.
This time is different, it was
not a conscience choice, it just happen!
It feels good, unexpected,
real, overwhelming, disconcerting… for the first time it feels “Me”!
Realize that I do not know the
“full” of me, and maybe that’s the reason of my “uncertainties”!
Do know that deeply Love this “Girl”,
she is Real, Happy, Smiley… Complete!
Feeling lost in the middle of
all the thoughts that assault my mind along the day.
Don’t have the assumption of
control of my feelings or thoughts, do know that I need to accept in peace my
state of mind and soul.
When I’m sad, feeling empty,
lost or alone… I do tend to ignore it, and replace those feelings for happy ones,
but that ones are also mines and instead of overlook them I need to deep
submerge on them, let the chaos take, oblige to see and experience
what they have to say and lecture me.
Still feeling his smell, his
touch & smile on Me… is hard, but it's a course that I need to cross.
Tomorrow will be another Day, I will give my best to be a "Sunny" One!!!
Wake up very early, made a
small case and went to train station going “home” for one day, see the family.
My two small nephews were
waiting for me, full of energy and life. It’s impossible feel sad or have any
kind of less happy thoughts being around with such amazing kids, always smiling
and calling my name.
I feel bless in so many ways,
for having me, my fantastic crazy family, great friends… but specially for all
the choices I did on my life.
Today I’m ALL Them!
I can look back and clear see
that I’m the sum of everything I lived, felt, achieve… I’m also all the tears I
drop & share of happiness, fear, disappointment… and so on.
I choose to be the Smile and
the Joy of a new Day, and with that the opportunity to fell more, know more, being
one step closer to reach all my Dreams.
“Friends are the family we choose”…
So, so True! I feel so bless, hard day, but in great company was always!
Start the day working on the
company of a ” heart sister” that God or the Universe put in my life, is hard
to complain when you look around and understand that “life” is so good to You!
Lisbon is “on fire” with our “Sainte
António” celebrations, went with by “Tribe” for the city celebrations on “Graça”…
Music, food, drinks… a lot of jokes, music, fun, and the best of all, fell that
I’m at “Home” with the family I choose!
Very Happy… one more day fill
of great experiences and big Smiles!!! P.S. - I know the reason, but I must be honest... I miss Him every minutes of my day!!!
It’s amazing the ability we
have to adjust, adapt to almost everything, I’m not saying that is easy, is not,
but step by step, day by day the ideas start to be more clear… the true is that
on our daily basis we do not hear our thoughts, our deep feelings, the “noise”
around us generate a “fog” in our mind that keep us “busy”.
Yesterday I went to an astrology
consultation, totally forgot to mention it, my mind was still spinning with all
It was different from the ones
I went before, she is also psychologist, and her approach is not as spiritual
as I was used to, was grounded, focused in action, positive thoughts, my goals.
Tired but happy… new project
will launch in one week, I couldn’t believe if someone told me a year ago that
I could be one entire year without working, a workaholic with no hope… it was a
I look back and really seams
it was in another life… I reborn!!!
Parte dos textos e imagens reproduzidos neste blog são retirados de pesquisa na Internet, alguns de autoria desconhecida. Agradeço que notifiquem por mail, para firstname.lastname@example.org, algum tipo de abuso ou violação de direitos de autor, indevidamente reproduzidos neste blog.