“Love In Quarantine”… Day Thirty One

Just… feeling Great, Happy, Blessed!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Thirty

What is Love? How we know we are truly “In Love”?

I’m not an expert on the matter, but I’m looking for answers, for some time now with my one life experiences and from observation of “everything” around me, and we can find everywhere, on everyone, thousands of descriptions about this “profound theme”.

To me “Love” is more than a “feeling”, is also a state of mind, soul and the way you “Love” defines also who you are as a women/men and as a human being.

Love someone first of all means (to me) that you deep respect, admire and accept all about her, with all characteristics, values, principles, faiths, pass, dreams and aspirations.

It means you see that person as “she” really is and not as you would like “she” be, you don’t try to change, you just support, care all the time.

Love is also learn, share, be available to receive and also “walk away” if need to.

“True Love” means happiness, fullness, freedom, friendship, companionship, need to be based on “team work” and requires communication, dedication and commitment.

Be with someone means that you are ready to share and receive, that your expectations should be real, based on what that person is prepare to share with you, not in your own “lyric expectations”, a healthy relationship is the one that “add” positivity to your life.

Many relationships fail because people look for “someone” that could fill or fix their “emptiness”, putting life on others hands, having insane expectations on the others, as he/ she is some kind of “God” or “Mage”. 

We have everything needed to “be happy” in ourselves, find that True is the first and most important step to be able to love yourself and then others.

We know that we are really “In Love” when everything in your life is even more shine, makes more sense, when she/ he is around,... when you want to be more, be better, willing to share the best of yourself just for the joy of see your "partner in life" smile and happier.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Nine

The expectations, fears, doubts, hopes, attachments, memories… all that feelings that were in same kind of “war” on me, gave place to an amazing sensation of peace, happiness and profound knowledge about me.

As I already write before, I do not have any idea of what this experience will bring to us as a duo, but I do know what it meant to me, how it feels to face our own “demons” and “angels”!

“Be Happy”… is a choice made every day with our actions, with the acceptance of we are and feel, with honesty and hope on ourselves.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Eight

... Dreaming about it!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Seven

I do like to “analyze” the human nature, our behavior, what make us “move”, dream and struggle or just give up.

I try every day “treat others the way I would like they treat me”, but we are inimitable, what makes someone “do something” is always a big enigma, it have so many variations that would be completely impossibly to anticipate their behavior, their thoughts, their actions.

I just try to understand, accept and respect what they are… as I “hope” they will respect and accept me just for what I’m.

Sometimes feels like a “chess game”, other is a “tango” and sometimes we are just learning about us and them.

As my one option, on my own risk, I choose to believe in the human kind, in our capacity of love, share, be sympathetic and honest… I do know that unfortunately in our life we cross with people that will disappoint us, that will be cruel, even perverse… but is their “call”, their attitude, not mine, so just take care not to be “poison” by others behaviors.

Maybe is a “romantic”, lyric, even utopian way to live, but so far I’m doing it great and to be honest is the only way I know how to do it.

People can “change” if they want to, other simple don’t… but some just need that someone believes on them and give them a “hand”.

Second chances can be very rewarding, also because all of us make mistakes, toke at some point wrong choices and on those moments we would like to have someone that look at us and believe we can do better. 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Six

Amazing how making others smile, can fill our own heart with joy and happiness!!!

I do like to see people happy, surprise and make them feel "Unique".

There are “Special Ones” that pass all their life thinking about others, taking care, and normally are the ones that use to show themselves as strong, independent, like if they don’t need anything… but they Do!

“Real People” that really care about their partners in life, just because is their nature… those ones I try to keep very close, I try to do my best, because normally are the ones I call “Family”!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Five

With the days pass by, is getting “easier”, probably because my mind is in “peace” with my heart.

Is a journey, an experience into ourselves, when we allow our attachments came out and speak freely.

That “smog” is not here anymore, and now I can see clearly were I’m.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Four

Wakeup with the most wonderful feeling and smile… It’s amazing what “Love” can do for our Soul and Mind, feels like a balm that renews all.

The power of "Love" is not consider enough, very often I see that everywhere, in different situations, on people words and thougts.

"The Love" inside yourself makes you dream, wish more, go further.

Live is a marvelous bless when we are able to put real passion on everything we do and believe.

Life is “easier” and makes sense when we found the balance between the feelings and our mind, that’s the only way to truly feel complete and realized.

Start... Loving Yourself!!!

Feeling pleased, complete, full of good vibes and positive energy.

"Love In Quarantine"... Day Twenty Three

... HAPPY!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty Two

One Year… 365 Days, that feels like it was yesterday, I smile, is a contradiction, now 22 days feels like an eternity.

Especially today I would like to hear his voice, see his smile and feel his warmth… today this “vow” feels harder.

Can close my eyes and sense the embrace, the perfume, the deep, intense (sweet) kisses, even experience how it feels to be totally his… I know that sounds lunacy, is not… The name is “sensitivity memory”.

Is “easy” to be around him, hear about his day, the projects, what he believe and defend, sharing a glass of red wine,… the “protection” feeling, being surround his hug, get pleasure with is humor, listen to his smile on a casual phone call, blush with naughty text messages… plan a weekend or a Paris escape!

In sum, I Love every minute by his side, how I feel about and near him.

The “Tomorrow” is a big “white” page, but now just feeling blessed for the chance of sharing all this moments… and Yes, today is a “Sunny Day”!

… ILY!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty One

Sometimes catch myself wondering how it will be, the “D” day? What will feel when this 40 days end? What in reality they will bring?

Of course that I do not have a clue about it, I just stand for half of the “question”, but is just for that “half” I do need to “work” with.

It’s important to understand and recognize that I’m responsible only for myself, my actions, feelings…, my Life.

Most important of all that, is having the experience of feeling complete, knowing that no matter what, I know more about myself, accept and respect all about it, that I’m proud of everything that I can say this is “Me”! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twenty

Half Way… what I fell at this point? 
In the middle of “Just missing 20 days” or Still missing 20 days??!

It feels like the “40 Shadows of the Quarantine”!!!

Some are pure light like a sunrise or a sunset, other are darker as a lonely night!

Whatever the next 20 days will bring, I do know that my feelings are more clear and real, having the opportunity to deeply dive on them, embracing all the sensations, emotions, attachments they can offer to this journey.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Nineteen

Today we “cheat”, it was fun… His fault, I must say!!! He provokes, and I do have serious problems to refute or turn my back to it!!

Still dealing with tones of stuff, small details are the worse, but enjoying it, will be official on the first July!

Feeling good, actually very relax for the first time in days, “red wine” and “blue & white” does miracles on us!!!

Going to fall asleep with good vibes and memories!!! One less day…

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eighteen

“Unfilled”… feels like I have a big hole on my chest that sucked all my energy.

“Love Hangover”… the abstinence from the “Us”, all the efforts needed to deal with the emotions and my deep thoughts are making me feel like this… doing my best to understand the strange “humor flows” that I’m dealing with.  

Smile and them sad and lonely, positive and then stay emotional… feeling tired!!!

It hard, just wants to scream and run far away from me, my thoughts, from this “emotional mood” that toke over my “Sunshine”!

Want to call and say: Hey you there… I Love You, I care, I feel… I “need” Us!!!

Can’t do that, so I write, it’s the only way I found to speak to myself, to organize ideas and try to understand my feelings.

Not going anywhere, just a “moment feeling”, here is where I want to be, is the “home” I choose no matter what.

Please do not misunderstand me… I do not regret anything, truly happy for being able to feel and sharing my feelings and thoughts, myself… just learning about it.

My heart shot every time we cross, who said: “Away from the eyes, away from the heart”???

Lie, it’s a myth… I never had You so close, so present in Me!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Seventeen

Work, Beach, Yoga, Pádel… Full Day!!! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Sixteen

In my mind I’m experiencing a deep divergence between what I do know and what I feel.

Want to be cool, let it flow and give it to the “Universe”, but my feelings are real, are not “assumptions”, it’s not something that I simple throw in a “box” and keep away.

They are very alive, making me questioning “everything”… even who I really am!

Feeling insecure… still doesn’t know why, and that’s my conflict!

Do I fear to feel, to deep connect with someone and them be disappointed or do I really fear not to be connect at all?!!

Don’t make any sense in a “logical” perspective, knowing that can’t control my feelings, I do Know that life is always in movement, that every day is new one full of surprises, but also know that I’m strong, I can count on me, so WTF I’m afraid of???

A “control freak” that’s my problem… still facing some of my old “demons”, never had the strength or the courage of showing myself completely to someone, lived my all life giving/ sharing just “pieces” of me.

This time is different, it was not a conscience choice, it just happen!

It feels good, unexpected, real, overwhelming, disconcerting… for the first time it feels “Me”!

Realize that I do not know the “full” of me, and maybe that’s the reason of my “uncertainties”!

Do know that deeply Love this “Girl”, she is Real, Happy, Smiley… Complete!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Fifteen

Being so busy, the days pass by easy and smoothly, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not “working” on my feelings.

At this point the most “difficult” is the will of sharing with him my day, what I achieve, my thoughts… say to him that is opinion is important, it really matters to me.

Hope that he is happy and giving the “steps” he need to reach is “Goal”.

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Fourteen

The feedback was great!!! It’s an amazing feeling when people truly enjoy and appreciate your dedication.

Took the rest of the day to relax on my favorite place… the Beach!

Amazing day, the water was warm, the wind hot… went with a girlfriend… “Girls Day at the Beach”!

We enjoy the sunset accompanied by a nice cocktail… the perfect end of a good Weekend!

Feeling Happy, Blessed and Overconfident!!!

...ILY

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Thirteen

Today was the “Day”!!! Very Happy and Proud… The final result is amazing!

Came back home at 9pm, had a long shower, a salad and a glass of red wine, cheers to Me, to the first step of a new journey.

Mission Accomplished!!! 

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Twelve

Tired but Happy!

P.S. - “Still” missing You every minutes of my Days!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eleven

WTF… What a Day!!! I feel so tired, that my arms seems to weigh 50kg each, last minutes to the “opening” and looks like hell… so many things still to prepare!!!

Today I saw You… look so different, new hair cut, “cute” I thought to myself!

My first instinct was to run to your arms, hug and kiss you… and stays “forever” in your lips, but put myself together and behave.

Was totally out of my mind when I agree with this stupid idea, don’t You think???

I’m “fine” but everything seem (feel) “harder” this days, feel very tired, my mind is full of ideas, thoughts, doubts, certainties… a mix of feelings.

But sure about one thing,… ILY!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Ten

Sunny Day full of Big Smiles!

Stunning as simple, “small” things/ gestures can make your day, today were 20 "small" words and a enormous sunshine, a rainbow walk into my Soul.

A “Woman in a Girl Soul”… It’s amusing to realize it, that “girl” is full of life, energy and dreams, at this point just allowing myself to get to know her, giving her space to “coexist” in Me.

She has so much to share, to learn, to edify… I must come clean and say that sometimes I feel overwhelmed.

Going to sleep feeling “entire”!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Nine

Feeling lost in the middle of all the thoughts that assault my mind along the day.

Don’t have the assumption of control of my feelings or thoughts, do know that I need to accept in peace my state of mind and soul.

When I’m sad, feeling empty, lost or alone… I do tend to ignore it, and replace those feelings for happy ones, but that ones are also mines and instead of overlook them I need to deep submerge on them, let the chaos take, oblige to see and experience what they have to say and lecture me.

Still feeling his smell, his touch & smile on Me… is hard, but it's a course that I need to cross.

Tomorrow will be another Day, I will give my best to be a "Sunny" One!!!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Eight

… drive insane, totally!!! Don’t communicate is hard, but not knowing if he is breathing is heartbroken.

Today I almost broke our vow, just to know if he was Ok, just that… I breathe in and out one million times and in the end of the day found the strength to go on!

Inevitably when you fall in Love a part of you is in connection with the other, that’s great, but it’s also a process to let it go, don’t worry too much, don’t fell or think for two.

We just want to hug and say that everything will be ok, but sometimes we really need to let the other make the path by himself.

Care, loving is also giving space to find our own truths, on our own time and space.

I do care and love deeply… respecting and also Loving all the Freedom connecting Us!

“Love In Quarantine”… Day Seven

Wake up very early, made a small case and went to train station going “home” for one day, see the family.

My two small nephews were waiting for me, full of energy and life. It’s impossible feel sad or have any kind of less happy thoughts being around with such amazing kids, always smiling and calling my name.

I feel bless in so many ways, for having me, my fantastic crazy family, great friends… but specially for all the choices I did on my life.

Today I’m ALL Them!

I can look back and clear see that I’m the sum of everything I lived, felt, achieve… I’m also all the tears I drop & share of happiness, fear, disappointment… and so on.

I choose to be the Smile and the Joy of a new Day, and with that the opportunity to fell more, know more, being one step closer to reach all my Dreams.